Introduction
I’ve worked with autism families for years, and there’s something I see over and over again that breaks my heart.
It’s not the meltdowns in public places. It’s not the struggles with communication. It’s not even the exhaustion on parents’ faces after managing multiple therapies and appointments.
It’s the sibling sitting quietly in the corner of the waiting room, doing homework for the third time this week while their brother or sister is in therapy.
It’s the daughter who says “it’s fine” when her family has to leave her birthday party early because her brother is overwhelmed.
It’s the son who’s become so good at helping, so patient, so understanding… that everyone forgets he’s just a kid too.
Siblings of children with autism are the unsung heroes of special needs families
And honestly? We’re failing them.
Let me explain what I mean.
The Reality for Siblings of Children with Autism
Through my work with families, I’ve observed patterns that many parents don’t even realize are happening in their own homes.
They’re growing up too fast. – These kids develop emotional maturity beyond their years. They learn patience, empathy, and flexibility earlier than most. But that comes at a cost—they often skip parts of childhood that they should get to enjoy.
They’re constantly accommodating. – Plans change. Outings get cut short. Holidays look different. They learn to go with the flow, to not complain, to be the “easy one.” Because someone has to be.
They’re navigating complex social situations. – How do you explain to your friends why your brother acts differently? How do you handle stares in public? How do you invite friends over when you’re not sure what kind of day it will be?
They’re processing big emotions alone. –
Here’s what’s heartbreaking: most of these kids think they’re not allowed to have these feelings. They see how hard things are for their parents. They see how much their sibling struggles. So they keep their own feelings inside.
What the Research Shows
The data backs up what I see in my work:
Studies have found that siblings of children with disabilities often experience higher levels of stress and may be at increased risk for anxiety and adjustment difficulties—but they can also develop remarkable resilience and empathy when properly supported.
Research from the Sibling Support Project reveals that siblings consistently report wanting:
The key finding? When siblings receive appropriate support, they thrive. They don’t just cope—they develop strengths that serve them throughout life. But without that support, they can struggle.
The Signs Parents Might Miss
Working with families, I’ve learned to watch for these indicators that a sibling needs more support:
Behavioral Changes:
Emotional Signals:
Direct Questions:
When I see these signs, I know a child is essentially saying: “I need you to see me. I need my own space. I need to matter too.”
What Siblings Really Need (Based on Years of Observation)
Through working with countless families, I’ve identified what makes the biggest difference for siblings:
1. Intentional Individual Attention
Not just time in the same room—focused, uninterrupted time. Even 15 minutes of dedicated attention can be transformative. Research shows quality matters more than quantity when it comes to parent-child connection.
2. Age-Appropriate Information
Siblings need to understand autism in a way that makes sense for their developmental level. They need honest answers to questions like:
3. Permission for All Feelings
This is crucial: siblings need explicit permission to have complicated feelings. They need to hear that it’s okay to:
4. Connection with Other Siblings
Programs like Sibshops exist for this reason—siblings need to meet other kids who understand their experience. The relief on a child’s face when they meet someone who “gets it” is profound.
5. Their Own Support System
Beyond parents, siblings benefit from having other trusted adults they can talk to—grandparents, aunts/uncles, school counselors, or therapists who specialize in sibling issues.
Introducing the Sibling Support Activity Pack
Recognizing the gap in resources for siblings, I created a comprehensive activity pack specifically designed to help families support their neurotypical children.
This isn’t a band-aid solution. It’s a practical toolkit based on research, clinical experience, and input from families who are living this reality.
What’s Inside:
1. Activities for Connection Time
These aren’t generic suggestions—they’re organized by time commitment so families can find what works for their schedule:
Quick Connections (5-15 minutes):
Perfect for busy weeknights. Simple activities that create meaningful moments without overwhelming already stretched families.
Longer Quality Time (30-60 minutes):
Weekend activities that allow for deeper connection while remaining manageable.
Special Outings (Monthly):
Bigger experiences that create lasting memories and show siblings they’re worth making time for.
2. Social Story: “My Sibling Has Autism”
This evidence-based social story explains autism to siblings in developable language. It covers:
Parents can read this with children and adapt it based on age and understanding.
3. Sibling Time Planning Sheets
Here’s a truth from working with busy families:
if it’s not scheduled, it doesn’t happen.
These planning tools help families:
The act of putting “Mom & Me Time” on the calendar sends a powerful message to children: you’re important enough to schedule time for.
4. Recommended Books
Carefully curated books organized by developmental stage:
These books help siblings:
5. Conversation Starters (50+ Questions)
Based on therapeutic techniques for opening difficult conversations, these prompts help parents:
Organized by category, these questions make it easier to start conversations that go deeper than “How was school?”
6. Self-Care Checklist for Siblings
Teaching emotional regulation and self-care early sets children up for lifelong wellness. This section includes:
It gives children concrete tools to manage stress and reinforces that their emotional wellbeing matters.
How Families Can Use This Pack
Based on my experience guiding families, here’s what I recommend:
Week 1: Assessment and Planning
Week 2: Start Conversations
Week 3: Build Routine
Ongoing: Adjust and Evolve
The key is consistency over perfection. Some weeks will go smoothly. Others won’t. That’s normal family life.
Why This Matters for the Whole Family
Supporting siblings isn’t just about fairness—it’s about family health.
When siblings feel seen and valued:
When siblings don’t receive support:
Investing in sibling support isn’t taking away from your child with autism. It’s strengthening the entire family system.
Download Your Free Sibling Support Activity Pack
Ready to start supporting the siblings in the families you work with—or in your own life?
Download Your Free Activity Pack Here